Post 10: What is the Answer?

My friends suggested that I visit a free clinic as it seems that I have slipped into a depression over my life predicament. My stress levels and upset in regards work, coupled with my feeling of hopelessness, made it necessary for me to see a doctor.

After explaining these feelings to the doctor, he prescribed me antidepressant medication that is supposed to alleviate these negative feelings. I’m a bit worried about putting a foreign substance in my body, especially because I’m aware that antidepressants are frequently wrongly prescribed. I don’t want to rely on pills to feel at peace, I’d rather rely on myself. Because of this, I have been contemplating a career change; maybe by uprooting my life, I will find happiness. I’m going to quit A&F, take out a loan and continue my education. With the job market in a rut, I have seen firsthand that it is somewhat impossible to climb the career ladder without a college degree.

Although this means that I will go into extreme debt, seeing as Boston University is an expensive institution, I feel as if obtaining my Masters Degree in Business Administration will help me in the long run. With the unknown extremely terrifying, I can only rely on myself and fight through this life struggle to hopefully end up a bit closer to the top than I am now – stuck in a job with meager health benefits that are outshined by the employee discount.

Post 9: Ow My Eyes

I had to beg Miss Jay for my job back. It took a few weeks but after many of the employees came down with the flu, she conceded. The day I came back was not too chilly for October. On days like this, it’s common for an A&F store to have models standing outside of the store to attract customers. Mostly these are men... shirtless men.

Regardless of the fact that A&F’s goal is to sell clothes, these men stirred up much attention with just jeans on. This is a perfect example of how Abercrombie upholds, supports and furthers the oversexualization of the retail industry by using sex to sell their clothing brand, rather than the clothing itself. If A&F was a person, I would look at that person who was showing of his or her assets and feel pity. I feel pity for any individual who feels the need to take off clothing to garner attention because it creates a dangerous pattern of placing the naked body more and more into the mainstream. This has made displays such as the ones Abercrombie puts on, a societal norm.

No wonder the female workers whose panties show during work, are not reprimanded. Because images of women in lingerie are so common (think Victoria Secret billboards and commercials), society has become immune to them and therefore, undergarments are socially acceptable. There is a scary link here to the porn industry, which also had become an accepted aspect of life. Instead of the majority taking action against the reliance of one’s self on the body for sexual purposes, we as a culture have promoted it. If most of humanity had an issue with A&F merchandise showing too much skin or marketing tools (male models) being too promiscuous, the store itself would have shut down long ago. I feel helpless in this fight to take one’s body out of the equation in the career world. We should only need to rely on our intelligence for work but because I cannot reify my intelligence without a college degree, that has become impossible. This feeling of helplessness is engulfing me.

Post 8: This is What Happens When Money Stops Growing on Trees

I’m back in the states after blowing through all of my $4,000 and a bit more, putting me in credit card debt. I know that I should have been more responsible with this inheritance, except I honestly had no role model to look up to or adult figure to tell me how to save funds. I feel like if I had gone to college, I would have learned how to save or become more self-controlled with money. Paris was great but I came to a horrific conclusion: In Paris I was the same person as I was at Abercrombie, a woman in disguise. What more are we as women than dolls to dress up? We are a product of disguises that we adopt throughout our lifetime. I though costuming myself as a wealthy woman was harmless, but really, it did more harm than good.

                Going to Paris made me realize that I was treating myself like an object and placing my body in a situation where it was making astatement that I am merely what I dress up to be. Although I put on somewhat of a mask when I worked at A&F, I am angry at doing this to myself outside of a job. I gave in to the temptation of feminine markers and symbols that appear to make others wealthy. I think that being surrounded constantly by shoppers making purchases, built this need in me to purchase as well though I did not have the economic stability to do so.

I am no better than Rachel Zoe and I am no better than Abercrombie & Fitch.  I have put myself in a detrimental situation of poverty by allowing myself to be a tool in mainstream society’s obsession with consumerism and appearance. Now I am without a job and without a backup plan. For once in my life I am wishing that I had a man to support me. I’m wishing that I encompassed that female intuition of Miss Jay’s that makes me prone to doing everything to please a man just so I can survive. This is a low moment in my life where I find myself even contemplating prostitution because the pay is much more sufficient than minimum wage.  I can’t believe it has come to this.

Post 7: Paris Here I Come!

I cannot believe what I just got in the mail! There was a check addressed to me with a letter stating that a distant relative of mine has passed away. I honestly had no idea that I had a great aunt but regardless, she left some funds for me… about $4,000!!! Tomorrow I’m putting in my two-weeks notice. I deserve a break from working at A&F. There is no point in staying here when I clearly have no chance of moving upwards. Being overworked and underpaid has made me desperate for a vacation. I’m emotionally drained from having to constantly dress up as someone who does not represent me.

I’ve decided to buy a ticket to Paris and an entire new wardrobe. For once I want to feel like a woman who can enter a store and have the means to buy luxurious dresses. I want to go into Bloomingdales and have someone help ME pick out clothes for a glamorous vacation. In Paris, no one knows me. I can pretend to be a whole new person – a woman who comes from a background so different than my own.

I plan on ordering several frocks at discounted prices from Rent The Runway and buying a plane ticket at Cheopoair.com. I feel as if this makes me financially responsible by opting for less expensive outlets to fund my vacation.

Post 6: Movin' On Up.... Or Not

I’ve been thinking lately of the future opportunities at this job. It seems as if there aren’t any. The two women I have grown closest to over these last 8 months have both been in the same position as shopgrils (brand reps) for 2 years. What made me think about my financial future even more was “The Rachel Zoe Project,” a reality television show on Bravo. Rachel Zoe, arguably the most notorious and highest paid stylist in America and Europe, is followed as she lives the life of luxury in the retail arena. A personal stylist demanded by the stars, Zoe has glamorized retail occupations, making it seem as the lifestyle of a personal shopper is one to be envied.

As a personal shopper in-store for a large chain, I find this problematic. What the show fails to do is highlight the long hours, temptation of being surrounded constantly by clothing and the mediocre paychecks; the program completely ignores the average female retail worker. Zoe’s life as high-paid retail goddess is a rarity but because it is placed prominently in the public eye, the truth of life in retail is ignored.

Even more troublesome was Zoe’s recent Harper’s Bazaar photo shoot. The reality tv star, who coined the term “I die” whenever she saw something she loved, is featured in a spread titled “Rachel Zoe – I Die.” The six photos featured in the article show Zoe being killed or attacked by prominent fashion designers such as Vera Wang and Marc Jacobs. Now not only has Zoe glamorized the grim life of a retail mistress, but has now glamorized violence against women. In one shot, Zoe is about to be hit in the face with a high-heel shoe and in another, she is about to be choked with a tape measurer.

I found a correlation between my job at Abercrombie and this shoot, as both demonstrate how fashion and the world of retail is being used as an outlet to oppress women. As accessories are used to threaten Zoe, clothing is used to threaten me in the work place. If I do not uphold the stylistic message that A&F wants to send, I will lose my job. Harper’s Bazaar has inadvertently called attention to this issue but has made it seem like a life to lust after. Many people will not get to Zoe’s fame and fortune through life as a brand rep or stylist.

In doing research, I found that internationally, women are a minority on the executive boards for retail companies. Even in middle management, women are outnumbered. This is frustrating for me. How am I supposed to stay in a job that makes it difficult to save for my future, even when working full time? I am paid minimum wage in Massachusetts, meaning $8 per hour and although I would like to dream big, I will most likely never have a fortune like Zoe's.

Post 5: Chained to the Circle of Clothing – Needing to Spend Money to Earn Money

As it turns from summer to fall, I’m realizing that the clothing I had to purchase won’t be useful in a week or so. Because it is mandatory that A&F workers wear in-season clothing, I’ll need to add to my wardrobe yet again and cut my next two paychecks in half.

            When I tell people I work at Abercrombie, they get excited and always ask me if I receive a discount. Yes, I get a discount – 50% off of in-season clothing and 30% off everything else. Though this is a nice benefit of the job, for an employee like me who lives paycheck to paycheck, purchasing clothing every season becomes a hefty expense, especially when I need multiple outfits because I work full-time. Because many people who work at Abercrombie are young women seeking after-school jobs, complaints about such a discount are rare. But here’s the thing - a discount is nothing more than an allusion that makes me feel like I’m saving money when I’m still spending it.

            Many take on retail jobs for the discount but I see this discount as a trap that keeps me in a job working full days. It is yet another problematic factor of this job to worry about because with the notion that I will save money, comes the sense of it being okay to purchase MORE than necessary. I feel as if this discount is a vehicle in which A&F utilizes to take advantage of me not only as an employee, but also as a customer. I remember during training, someone in upper management instructed us that only one person can work the cash register at a time in order to create longer lines. In doing so, shoppers will be urged to browse more and therefore, buy more. As a customer by force, the feeling of being controlled is not a pleasant one. This discount, coupled with the mandatory employee dress code, creates a never-ending circle of spending that keeps me more destitute than necessary. I could be saving up this money I spend on garments for online schooling to further my education. However, I’m trying to be grateful because at least I have a job.

Post 4: Taking the Previous Post Further... I am a Walking Mannequin

If I wanted to, I could stand in an Abercrombie window and be the display myself. As a brand rep, I am dressed in the clothes I am meant to sell and therefore am constantly exploiting my body to earn an income. I am also relentlessly directing the male gaze while on the clock. Although a somewhat smart tactic on A&F’s party – women are constantly taught to focus on how they can appease a man via looks – I, and other employees like myself, are being manipulated to give off this message. I can’t help but feel that my job of selling the clothes off of my body to make a living, is too similar to prostitution.

During work hours, I’m wearing button-up blouses or tight t-shirts that make it impossible to hide my cleavage. If I were a sales girl in the early twentieth century, I would be in clothing that covered up my body versus garments that put it on a platter for public display. As I wondered this aloud during lunch to a fellow employee, we discussed how trends have become skimpier and skimpier. “The runways are full of breast-enhancing outfits,” she said. It hit me – women are attempting to mirror the trends they see the upperclass donning. These trends are trickling down into the mainstream and therefore, affecting even employee dress codes. Many of the A&F workers come to work in such tiny shorts that the lace of their underwear peaks out; I have never seen any of these women reprimanded for indecent exposure.

Clearly I am a marketing tool for Abercrombie & Fitch, being utilized to uphold these skimpier trends of late. The reason this upsets me is because I assumed this retail job meant needing to be a “people person,” a trait I stressed that I encompassed in the interview process for this position. As a walking mannequin that is only seen as valuable for what is on my outside, my communicative, interpersonal skills are mostly ignored. I have become a tool for this company to profit off of.

Post 3: I am Missing the Female Intuition Chip

My only female manager, Miss Jay, came up to me today very upset with what I had suggested to a customer. The customer, a young girl in her teens, asked my opinion on what she should buy for the first day of school. I led the girl over to the jeans section and also helped her pick out a nice sweater, one that was not too tight as I felt her parents might think it inappropriate for a 14-year-old to wear an ultra-fitted outfit. Miss Jay did not agree with my choice and quickly led the girl over the to the mini-skirt section that was reminiscent of Britney Spears’s clothing in her “Hit Me Baby One More Time” music video. Miss Jay then came up to me and asked what I was thinking when I suggested such a clothing choice. “Don’t you have the female intuition to know how a young girl wants to dress to impress boys?” she demanded. Ahh, I thought, so this is why the pictures scattered around A&F stores mainly show men – it is to ensure that female shoppers are aware of the male gaze and dress appropriately, thus upholding contemporary male standards of the “less is more” motto.

I guess I was born without this “female intuition” of knowing how women should dress, specifically to please men. Miss Jay, I had no idea I was innately meant to be programmed with a sense of what is fashionable. Miss Jay, don’t you think it’s problematic that such a prominent chain in the retail arena is teaching young girls to wear skimpy clothing? Miss Jay’s question reminded me of many other notions that surround women. How we are supposed to get married. How we are supposed to have children. Women who do not yearn for these things are automatically seen as “the other” because in not wanting the traditional life path of a woman, you are seen as somewhat unfeminine. What Miss Jay was saying when she asked me why I had chosen a conservative clothing choice for that teenage girl, was that I was not giving her feminine-enough advice.

After telling one of my female co-workers on my 15 minute break what had happened, she was unfazed. According to her, the world of retail was once referred to as “the old-boys’ club.” Since childhood, women are told what to adorn themselves in  to achieve the male gaze. With such an emphasis put on this, for example, with Victoria Secret billboards and ad campaigns, the female shopping experience mainly revolves around what an admirer would like. This, clearly according to Miss Jay, should have resulted in a built-in female instinct that alerts me to whether or not a clothing item will be received positively by men. More on this tomorrow, right now I’m too exhausted from having to work overtime and close the store tonight.

Post 2: 1 Week In...Foot Massage Necessary

It’s been only one week at my job and I am exhausted. Not only am I on my feet all day, but working with shoppers is not as positive of an experience as I thought it would be. A&F has a policy that we don’t approach shoppers, but that they must approach us and ask for help; this is supposed to eliminate a factor of annoyance for the shoppers. So my hopes of communicating with people all day have been slightly diminished. Also, I have found that shoppers intend to quickly make a purchase and rush out of the store. Gone are the days of leisurely shopping or god forbid, window shopping. This rushed environment makes me feel as if my job as a shopgirl/brand-rep is a nuisance for customers although my job is essentially there to assist them.

Spending the time to go to the mall is a burden for many nowadays. Obviously online shopping has taken away from the in-store customer experience as it is simple, efficient and your purchases can be at your doorstep overnight or within a few business days with a simple click of your mouse. However, it is because of online shopping that so many jobs have been taken away. It’s almost an anomaly that I found a job in retail since many open positions in this field sprout up during the holidays. Although I was just hired, I am extremely paranoid about the instability that my job poses. Retail jobs are NOT exactly recession proof and as I see stores around me closing and businesses downsizing, I cannot help but fear for my future when I have little options for an occupation in the first place with no college degree. Essentially, I have no job security.

After briefly talking to some other employees during breaks, I can see that many feel the same. Most of the people I work with on the floor are women, although the upper management positions or overwhelmingly filled by men.  I have met two women I really enjoy, both young mothers without college backgrounds, like myself. I feel bad for them, not only must they provide stability for themselves, they must do so for their children on a minimum-wage salary with few benefits. These women are also expected to buy the A&F immodest clothing – I can only imagine what type of message this sends to today’s youth.

Post 1: First Day as a Shopgirl is Almost Here!

Tomorrow is my first day at Abercrombie & Fitch (A&F). After interviewing with them last week, I found out I was offered the position and my manager-to-be informed me that I must wear Abercrombie clothing while working. I’m not just talking about a shirt, he said I must be head-to-toe in Abercrombie. I was handed a "look book" that provides guidelines for what employees must wear. Although I think the clothes are cute, they don’t fit my body type! By no means am I obese, however, I am a curvy girl. These clothes consist of short-shorts and midriff-baring tops. What’s more is that I am responsible for purchasing them. How am I supposed to save any money when I need to buy at LEAST 6 outfits since I am scheduled to work 6 out of 7 days per week? I’ll need to cut down on groceries this week but I guess since it’s summer, losing weight might not be so bad. Maybe if I look good I’ll be promoted quicker…

There’s a lot for me to do to look my best tomorrow. I was told that I must wear natural-looking makeup and that my hair must be a “normal” color. Also, I can’t have any fake nails so I need to take my acrylics off (not so pleasant… those of you who’ve had them know what I mean). So tonight I plan on dying my hair all brown to get rid of a few pink streaks I put in for fun. Also, I’m straightening my curly hair, buying a tanning bed package and rubbing my thighs with cellulite-reducing cream. Hopefully this will make me look good in the summer-esque clothing I am being forced to wear since all employees must dress in-season.

Speaking of employees, I’m excited to get to know my new ones! I was hoping that the members of the group interview I went to would be on the floor working with me but A&F has two types of employees, brand representatives and stock people. The brand reps (shopgirls) walk around the store, fold clothes, help customers and work the cash register. Stock people work in the back with new shipments and fold in the back rooms. From some friends I have talked to, supposedly the “prettier” people are kept in front and the “plainer” people get the stock room jobs. Although I want to feel like it’s a compliment that I was kept in front, I can’t help but be disgusted by this company’s tactics. But, a job is a job and I need to survive in this economy. There's really no time for me to be picky right now. With no college experience, this is all I could find, so I guess I’m going to be relying on my looks for a while.